Waiting: A Ramble

Now we come to the part of the show where Anna talks to herself.  But we don't need to pretend that's the oddest thing I've done on this blog.

To be exact, I'm talking to myself about myself in full view of everyone else.  And the thoughts are coming fast, so put on your seatbelt and hold onto the panic handle please.

Waiting is hard.  Even harder is waiting for something that you can see, but just can't have yet.  Harder still?  Waiting for something that you can see, think you might have someday, but just aren't sure of.  And the hardest?  Giving it up to God to do with what He will.

So that's kind of where I am, I guess.  I'm a thinker, so I think about this a lot.  It's hard to think about anything else, in fact.  But I've learned to let go of control over the last few months.  It's still incredibly difficult, but by God's grace, I can do it.

It's hard sitting here, with what's in front of me on my mind and out of reach.  Sometimes I do stupid things because of it.  But the fact is, whatever God will do is already written in stone.  I just have yet to see.

So how can I use this time effectively?  Well, by prayer, by reading God's Word, by learning patience in the face of difficulty.  By accepting that if I never have this thing, my life will be no worse for it.  By choosing to appreciate the things I have already, which are pretty great, and love the people in my life.

Sometimes, I think about what will happen if I do get this thing.  If I do, it will have been worth the waiting, and the aching, and the tears.  And if I don't, the sanctification will be worth the waiting, and the aching, and the tears.

Ultimately, Christ is the fulfillment of all good things that we see on earth.  If I'm not looking up at this thing, and then looking higher to Him, I shouldn't expect to get it, or to ever be really satisfied if I do.

Oh Lord, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup; 
You maintain my lot.
The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
Yes, I have a good inheritance.

I will bless the Lord who has given me counsel;
My heart also instructs me in the night seasons.
I have set the Lord always before me;
Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved.

Psalm 16:5-8