Sunday, March 23, 2014

Find out the backstory of a terrible *snort* criminal!

Author's Note

I am going to be continuing the What Really Happened series with Snow White in just a few days.  Today, however, I am doing something different.  One day, when I was young and playing with my little siblings, we decided to interview each other.  This was the interview with William, who insisted on being called William Samuel Tum-tum and saying some strange things.  Patience interviewed him and I sat off to the side and wrote it down so fast my fingers started smoking.  This is it, word for word.  Please make sure that all the milk is out of your mouth before you start reading.

Interview with William Samuel Tum-tum

Neighborhood News (made-up newspaper):  How old are you?

William:  Five hundred.

NN:  And how much money did you steal?

W:  652, 000.

NN:  Why did you steal it?

W:  It's what I've been doing my whole life?

NN:  Are you brother-in-law to Grup S. Groover?

W:  Yes.

NN:  Is Grup married?

W:  No.

NN:  Where did you grow up?

W:  California.

NN:  Where do you live?

W:  North Carolina.

NN:  What--when you were little, what did you do?

W:  My parents and brothers and I stole from the bank.

NN:  But you had a sister, right?

W:  My sister didn't marry Grup.  *snores*

NN:  Do you have narcolepsy?

W:  Yes.

NN:  Have you ever been to another country?

W:  New York.

NN:  I said country.

W:  I don't know what a country is.

NN:  Have you, um, William!  This is my exterminator thingy!  William!  Stop that!  William!  William!  Not that!

NN:  Have you ever murdered?

W:  Your brother.

NN:  I don't have a brother.

W:  Do you have a sister?

NN:  No.

W:  Anyway.  Interview me.

NN:  Who did you murder?

W:  My brother.

NN:  His name?
W:  Grup.

NN:  Grup isn't your brother.

William had no further remarks to make.

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